December 2009
114 posts
Dear Baby,
I have a zillion resolutions I could make for 2010, but this one below is probably the most important. Being an awesome mom is probably more important than resolving to look like Kelly Ripa as quickly as possible after I give birth.
bringingupbaby:
It’s the last day of 2009. The last year before you come along and my whole life changes. In this decade, so many huge things have occured. I...
The Husband Can Handle His Hotdish
The Husband: Turns out, i can eat appx 8 lbs of tuna fish hotdish in under 4 minutes. The Downside: I eat it so fast, that after I am done I can look down at my stomach and actually see it get bigger and bigger.
Me: Hahahahahaha. If you want, I have a pair of stretchy jeans you can borrow next time you run into a situation like that.
The Husband: I prefer to just lay my hands on my belly and lean as far back in my cube-chair as possible all the while having my eyes closed and mouth wide open. Leaves a good image for those who walk by.
Me: And it lets them know just how important and hard working you are.
I just ate an entire package of microwaveable...
15 slices of bacon. I don’t think I even took a breath while I was shoving them in my face.
I’m shocked…and ashamed.
formspring.me
Everyone but me seems to be doing this, but it doesn’t really seem like something I need to do.
I mean, would anyone even have any questions for me? Should I set up one of these things?
Hoarders terrifies me in a way that no other show...
I watch Intervention and I can’t understand how people sink so deep into their addictions. I watch True Life and I can’t relate to half the things those people go through. But when I watch Hoarders, all I can think of is how one day, that could be me.
I mean, everyone is always saying, “things just got out of hand, I lost control, and I just gave up.”
Looking at my...
OK. I've never said this before.
themattsmith:
*pause*
…
GO BEARS!
…
god, i feel dirty.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Things I Learned This Weekend:
I don’t need presents to enjoy Christmas.
I do need to give presents in order to enjoy Christmas.
I need to assist The Husband in setting boundaries with his family - it is not ok for his dad to hang out at our house alone. It’s just weird.
The Husband and I need to try harder next year to set different traditions with his family so that we’re not spread so thin over the 2...
All it took was one day of shopping to blow all my...
I’m not sure if I should be proud of my efficiency, or ashamed of my need for instant gratification.
My day has boiled down to finding the best baby...
This cannot be my life.
I'm struggling for motivation to shower today.
Scratch that, I’m struggling for motivation to even get off the couch, let alone make it all the way to the shower.
I think I might have a flat spot on the back of my head from laying down for so long. That’s just fine by me.
I'm pretty sure I ate my weight in BBQ cocktail...
And today, I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten my weight in Oreos dipped in milk.
At some point I’m going to have to get my eating back on track.
I can do that in 7 months…right?
I survived Christmas
After some drama, some hurt feelings, some good memories, a lot of family time, and ultimately some really great gifts — Christmas is over and I have survived. So has my marriage.
Basically, I consider this a success.
And now I have a whole year to think about how much MORE complicated next Christmas is going to be. Oof.
Guess what time it is?
It’s nap time. Because I have completed most of my food projects for the day. I made these citrus peels (which are TERRIBLE and I’m throwing away because, seriously, I almost threw up) and these truffles. I haven’t tried the truffles yet because I’m so sick of smelling chocolate that the last thing I want to do is eat them.
But after a nap to recharge my battery, I have...
I should be rolling truffles
But instead I’m laying immobile on the couch, watching Bridget Jones’ Diary, and willing myself to take a nap.
See…THIS is what vacation is supposed to be like.
I feel vaguely nauseous
Is that the Christmas spirit trying to break through my crusty grinchiness?
The Final Day of Shopping
Today, I attack the stores one last time for some final grocery shopping and one last gift for my goddaughter.
I’m hoping and praying that going so early will reduce the number of meltdowns and panic attacks I have due to crowds and idiots in the parking lots. Please let this be the case. I can’t spend the whole day crabby again.
At some point here, I really need to start feeling...
I've got Christmas spirit coming out of my ass
It’s not that I want to say “fuck Christmas”, it’s just that when I’m running from store to store to do all the shopping that I saved up to do during my week of vacation, and dealing with the crowds of apparent idiots, I can’t help but chant “fuck Christmas” over and over and over — I think you get the picture.
I keep thinking one of these...
Confession Tuesday
I haven’t done one single bit of Christmas shopping.
I am feeling very grinchy this year and really want nothing to do with Christmas. Particularly the gift shopping, creating, and wrapping portion of Christmas.
I must motivate myself to drag my fat ass off this couch and get some shopping done. This kind of apathy is not healthy.
The boy I used to have a crazy crush on in high...
Must not stalk..
Must not stalk…
Must not stalk…
I thought unemployment would have more down time
I’ve been busy all day! I haven’t even been able to fully focus on the Intervention marathon! Who knew vacation/unemployment could be so strenuous?!
In Which I Give My Review of Five Guys
I know everyone has been on the edge of their seats waiting for me to weigh in on the Five Guys debate.
Well, I finally tried it for lunch today and in a word, it was AMAZING. Now, to be fair, I’ve never had In n’ Out Burger, but I have had Culvers and for me, that’s probably the closest “fast food” comparison. Five Guys DESTROYED Culvers.
I got a cheeseburger...
Unemployment: Day 1
I was supposed to be on vacation today (and all this week), so the reality that I’m actually unemployed hasn’t quite set in.
I have a coffee meeting today with an old colleague to discuss some possible freelance opportunities. I’m looking forward to seeing her and catching up and to seize the day on some employment action.
But a coffee meeting and the lingering depression are...
There's a ring in hell for resume writing.
Seriously, even though my resume is formatted and mostly up to date, updating it is still a massive pain in the ass.
Why? Why do resumes have to be so hard? And if we all hate writing them, and they’re boring as hell to look at and only tell the sunny side of the story anyway, then why the hell haven’t we developed a better system?
I Baked.
I generally don’t bake. Baking too closely resembles science class for me. All the measurements have to be exact, ingredients have to be at certain temperatures, things need to be left alone for a certain amount of time — it’s a hassle. The only thing that makes baking worthwhile is the dough. I love cookie dough. I love cake batter. I love any raw form of any baked product...
It's my last day.
I haven’t been unemployed since I was 16. This is one of the most surreal days of my life.
I feel a mix of terror, and overwhelming joy at not having to deal with several of these people anymore.
I really believe that there’s something better waiting for me on the other side of this debacle, but right now, it’s just scary.
Just your average Christmasy evening
The Husband: Jess...what are you watching?
Me: Amityville Horror
The Husband: ... Why are you watching that?
Me: Because obviously nothing says Christmas like a mediocre horror film.
I have a stomach ache from eating too much...
What am I, a 5 year-old?
Curse you, oversized, insanely abundant box of chocolate in the office kitchen. I blame you — not my lack of self control.
lickystickypickyme:
Mariah (s)Carey & Jay Z...
I need to find neutral.
I don’t know how to find a feeling of neutrality for certain people in my life. For people I am stuck seeing on a regular basis for the foreseeable future, how do I move from active disdain to neutral? People who aren’t mean or bad, simply distasteful to me.
I’m not a very nice person. I know this. One of the reasons I love The Husband so much is because of his kindness,...
You know what I've learned from these hostile...
I mean, other than that the U.N. should be giving me a call about negotiating world peace.
I’ve learned that I have become a more mature person in my marriage. Not once have I resorted to name calling or veiled criticism.
I hope everyone is as impressed with me as I am with myself.
Part of this could have to do with the fact that we’re negotiating over email instead of in-person,...
Oh jesus, test shots have been fired.
I’m afraid this is going to be a bloody battle.
Negotiations appear to be going downhill.
MAYDAY!!! MAYDAY!!!
Am I the only person in the world who has decided...
You can’t guilt me into anything! Guilt builds resentment. I will have nothing to do with it. Your guilt won’t work here!!
I live with a man whose kryptonite is guilt.
I’m banging my head against my desk.
I'm in the middle of negotiations with The Husband...
I feel like world peace negotiations would be easier than this and would result in me hurting fewer people’s feelings.
I think I'm about to stir up some trouble on...
I can’t seem to keep my opinions to myself today. I mean, I’ve never been very good at it, but my thoughts today suddenly burst forth without any thought as to what the impact will be.
So, some family members may or may not be speaking to me come Christmas Day…
Know how I know I'll never get divorced?
I mean, other than because I know I married the right guy. And because I love him. And because we swore to each other before we even got engaged that divorce would NEVER be an option.
The reason I know I’ll never get divorced is because having to deal with The Husband’s divorced family and the logistics during the various holidays throughout the year is a NIGHTMARE.
Especially now...
