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I complain about the mundane and get distracted by the ridiculous

I live in Minneapolis. I realize this makes me boring and irrelevant to most of tumblr. I stick around anyway.

"Speak the truth but leave immediately after"

jes.spells.jess at gmail.com

I created My Best Day to satisfy my more sentimental alter ego

I created Reigning In The Circus to satisfy my wordier alter ego.

I have a log of alter egos.

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6 November 09

The Biggest News of My Life

Okay, well if not life, at least my day.

There’s is this AMAZING sandwich/taco joint up in Grand Forks, ND.  I know, I know.  The mind reels to think of anything amazing in Grand Forks, ND — or anywhere in ND for that matter — but I assure you, amazingness exists in this little restaurant.

It’s called The Red Pepper and they sell this sandwich called a Grinder and it’s like, sandwich meat and taco meat and some lettuce and cheese and hot sauce and a secret Red Pepper sauce and I don’t even know what else and it’s AWESOME.

My life changed the day I had a Red Pepper Grinder, and ever since that day, every sandwich I eat is a mere shadow of that sandwich experience.

But today, my friends — today was the day I discovered that The Red Pepper will ship their food to me.  And for a mere $121 dollars, I can get four Everything Grinders and some hot sauce shipped to my home.

Totally worth it.

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Posted: 1:28 PM
If anyone needs me for the rest of the day, I’ll be here…playing with the princess pen.

I’ve clearly checked out for the day.

Whatver. It’s Friday afternoon. I do what I want!!

If anyone needs me for the rest of the day, I’ll be here…playing with the princess pen.

I’ve clearly checked out for the day.

Whatver. It’s Friday afternoon. I do what I want!!

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Posted: 1:08 PM

Priorities, People

So I was emailing The Husband and my dad earlier about what a load of shit the NCAA and BCS are.  It never ceases to piss me off that completely shitty schools like Iowa would have a chance to play in a BCS game over a school like Boise which — if it came to a head-to-head competetion — would kick Iowa’s ass.

Anyway, my dad explained that we can bitch about it all day long but that it won’t really change anything.  That the only way anything will ever change is if lawsuits are brought against the NCAA and the BCS.

The Husband then confessed that 98% of the reason he voted for Obama was because he believed Obama would do this and change the way the college football operates.

So basically, The Husband TOTALLY has his priorities in order when selecting who to vote for.

I married a smart fella, folks.  Whoa!!  Hands off ladies!!  He’s all mine!!

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Posted: 11:19 AM
Can someone please explain to me what I’m doing wrong with these Goody headbands?

Because they SAY no-slip on the package, and there are little rubber grippies on the band, and yet I spend 82% of my day re-positioning this damn headband!

Listen, I know I was born with a conehead and that my head retains some residual pointiness, but it can’t be THAT pointy, can it?

Why won’t these damn bands not stay on my damn head?!?!

Can someone please explain to me what I’m doing wrong with these Goody headbands?

Because they SAY no-slip on the package, and there are little rubber grippies on the band, and yet I spend 82% of my day re-positioning this damn headband!

Listen, I know I was born with a conehead and that my head retains some residual pointiness, but it can’t be THAT pointy, can it?

Why won’t these damn bands not stay on my damn head?!?!

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Posted: 11:11 AM

Good News

It’s Friday!!!!

Also, I’ve already completed two projects today and it’s not even noon.

So far, I can chalk up today as a success.

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5 November 09

Pardon me while I work through some feelings

So earlier this week, the boy I was madly in love with on and off from the time I was 12 until I was 21 contacted me via a mutual friend on facebook.

Luckily, thanks to a single misguided but still mind blowing night of bad decisions, I don’t have lingering feelings for this boy.  I will always think of him fondly, but I have no “what could have been” feelings for him.  I’ve got a kick ass husband and a great life so I’m pretty much good to go.

Anyway, after receiving the facebook message, I promptly emailed him the next day.  I was friendly and made sure not to send any mixed signals or rub in how happy I am (since I know he was recently ditched by his fiance and is apparently spending most of his life in an alcohol-induced stupor) and I also made sure not to ramble on about any boring details of my life.  All in all, it was pretty much the ideal email.

Well, it’s four fucking days later and I still haven’t heard back from him.  Listen, asshat — YOU’RE the one who contacted ME!!  The least you could do is respond to my email in a timely manner!!

Basically, I’m annoyed.  AND, I feel like once again, I’m the one left wondering what the hell just happened and what I said wrong.

This is ridiculous.

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Posted: 4:21 PM

Passion and Ambition

I have a confession.

I don’t love my job.  Don’t get me wrong — I may bitch about it a lot but I do enjoy where I work.  I like that I get to come to work dressed like a homeless person and that I’m not micromanaged and that I get to stay in really nice hotels when I travel and that I get plenty of vacation and unexpected early dismissals and I’ve met some of my best friends and all that jazz.  I like my job.

But it isn’t my passion.  I don’t get out of bed in the morning for my job.  I’m not setting out on some sort of career path either.  If this is what I do for the rest of my life, so be it, but it will always be just a job.

And I feel guilty about this.  I feel like I should be passionate about something and go after it with great ambition.  But I’m not.

I’ve been hustling my way through this world since I was 10 years old.  I never got an allowance, so as soon as I was able, I started babysitting.  I got my first full-time job working for my uncle when I was 14.  I got my first legal job when I was 16.  I’ve been working full time since I was 18 (yes, I worked full time and went to school full time and my ass graduated in 4 years because I hate school that much).  And until 3 years ago, odds are I held at least 2 jobs at any given time.

I am not passionate about anything.  Except maybe television.  I really love watching television.  But sitting and spacing out to the TV while playing computer solitaire is not a feasible full-time occupation.

My point is, I work because I need the money.  I have always worked because I’m a money grubbing whore.  My purpose for working will always be because I need the money.  Because even if I do something I love, the minute I HAVE to do it, it becomes that ugly four letter word: W-O-R-K.

So sue me.  I work for the weekend.  I work to live.  I don’t need to find my passion because ultimately, my friends and family are my passion — not career success.  And I don’t think this makes me lazy or a bad person.

So that’s my tangent for the day.  Because I know you were all dying to know.

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Posted: 2:04 PM
A day like today calls for the Princess Pen to lift my spirits.

Know what would really lift my spirits, though? Finding out today is actually Friday. This week is effing endless.

A day like today calls for the Princess Pen to lift my spirits.

Know what would really lift my spirits, though? Finding out today is actually Friday. This week is effing endless.

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Posted: 1:37 PM
Harry Burns: With whom did you have this great sex? Sally Albright: I’m not going to tell you that. Harry Burns: Fine, don’t tell me. Sally Albright: Shel Gordon. Harry Burns: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon. Sally Albright: I did too. Harry Burns: No you didn’t. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man… but humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me Sheldon, you’re an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.’ Doesn’t work.

Harry Burns: With whom did you have this great sex?
Sally Albright: I’m not going to tell you that.
Harry Burns: Fine, don’t tell me.
Sally Albright: Shel Gordon.
Harry Burns: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.
Sally Albright: I did too.
Harry Burns: No you didn’t. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man… but humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me Sheldon, you’re an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.’ Doesn’t work.

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Posted: 1:35 PM

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. Sally Albright: Why not? Harry Burns: What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Harry Burns: No you don’t. Sally Albright: Yes I do. Harry Burns: No you don’t. Sally Albright: Yes I do. Harry Burns: You only think you do. Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. Sally Albright: They do not. Harry Burns: Do too. Sally Albright: They do not. Harry Burns: Do too. Sally Albright: How do you know? Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too. Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU? Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then. Harry Burns: I guess not. Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

This movie influenced my young dating life far too much.  But I still love it to an irrational degree.

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

This movie influenced my young dating life far too much.  But I still love it to an irrational degree.

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Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh